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2.
Why
do people have relational problems, even in churches?
3.
How does a personal
preference differ from a Biblical principle?
4. What
does the Bible teach about keeping “short accounts” with those who offend
us?
5.
What does the
Bible teach about the need and timing of reconciliation?
6. What are the
dangers of not forgiving?
7. What
does the Bible teach about the responsibility of local church elders
in conflict resolution?
9. A Quote Note
The first century churches were not
without their own problems and often underlying Paul's writings
his counsel to them about various and specific problems.
1
Corinthians 1:10, I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of
our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so
that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly
united in mind and thought.
1
Corinthians 3:1, Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual
but as worldly-mere infants in Christ.
1
Corinthians 7:1, Now for the matters you wrote about …
1
Corinthians 7:25, Now about virgins …
1
Corinthians 8:1, Now about food sacrificed to idols …
1
Corinthians 12:1, Now about spiritual gifts ...
1
Corinthians 16:1, Now about the collection …
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There are many
reasons, but it all comes back to the fact that often we want our
own way about something, and many times that something can be cloaked
as something "spiritual."
Numbers 12:1-2, Miriam and Aaron began to
talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had
married a Cushite. 2 "Has the LORD spoken only through
Moses?" they asked. "Hasn't he also spoken through us?" And
the LORD heard this.
Numbers 16:3, They came as a group to oppose
Moses and Aaron and said to them, "You have gone too far!
The whole community is holy, every one of them, and the LORD
is with them. Why then do you set yourselves above the
LORD's assembly?"
Psalm 106:16, In the camp they grew
envious of Moses and of Aaron, who was consecrated to the
LORD.
3 John 9-10, I wrote to the church, but
Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do
with us. 10 So if I come, I will call attention to what he
is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with
that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops
those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
James 4:1-2, What causes fights and quarrels
among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle
within you? 2 You want something but don't get it. You kill
and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel
and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.
Galatians 5:13, You, my brothers, were called
to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the
sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
Galatians
5:16-17, So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not
gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful
nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the
Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in
conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you
want. Back to Top
A preference applies and is authoritative only to
the individual; i.e. music, colors, hair style, choice of car, or
food tastes. A Biblical principle implies a general responsibility
we all share though it will have different looks. As a good steward
I might choice to drive a Chevy while someone else might choice
a BMW. Problems arise when people make preferences tests of spirituality
or when they decide how others should practice a Biblical principle.
1 Corinthians 6:12, "Everything is permissible for
me"-but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible
for me"-but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 10:23, "Everything is permissible"-but
not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"-but not
everything is constructive.
Romans 14:4, Who are you to judge someone else's
servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand,
for the Lord is able to make him stand.
Romans 14:13,
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead,
make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in
your brother's way. Back to Top
Many
problems in the church are directly related to not dealing with
problems and offenses as they happen. People make excuses
such as "i just don't want to cause problems" so they "stuff it."
The result is that hurt turns to resentment, which turns to bitterness,
that then turns into hatred and things are said and done begin to
be colored by this negative filter and finally great harm is done
to people and the body of Christ.
Matthew 6:12, Forgive us our debts, as we also have
forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 18:21-22, Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,
"Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against
me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not
seven times, but seventy-seven times.
John 20:23, If you forgive anyone his sins, they
are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven."
Colossians 3:13,
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have
against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
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Romans 14:19, Let us therefore make every effort
to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
Matthew 5:23-25, "Therefore, if you are offering
your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has
something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the
altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and
offer your gift. 25 "Settle matters quickly with your adversary
who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on
the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may
hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.
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1 John 2:9-11, Anyone who claims to be in the light
but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 10 Whoever loves
his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make
him stumble. 11 But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness
and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going,
because the darkness has blinded him.
1 John 3:11 This is the message you heard from the
beginning: We should love one another. 12 Do not be like Cain, who
belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he
murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's
were righteous.
1 John 4:8, Whoever does not love does not know God,
because God is love.
1 John 4:20, If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates
his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother,
whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.
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In what are called
the "pastoral letters" Paul reminds the elders about their important
responsibility in handling conflicts in the church. This doesn't
mean that the elders are to become the arbitrators of everybody's
conflicts but it does mean that when it turns a certain corner and
it begins to effect the whole body then they must step in for the
health of the church.
1 Timothy 5:20, Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly,
so that the others may take warning.
2 Timothy 4:2, Preach the Word; be prepared in season
and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage-with great patience
and careful instruction.
Titus 1:13, This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke
them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith
Titus 2:15, These, then, are the things you should
teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone
despise you.
Titus 3:10, Warn
a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that,
have nothing to do with him. Back to Top
Matthew 18:15-17, "If your brother sins against
you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If
he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he
will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter
may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if
he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would
a pagan or a tax collector.
1 Corinthians 5:4-5, When you are assembled in the
name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power
of our Lord Jesus is present, 5 hand this man over to Satan, so
that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on
the day of the Lord.
1 Corinthians 5:11, But now I am writing you that
you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but
is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard
or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
Romans 16:17, I urge you, brothers, to watch
out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way
that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from
them.
2 Thessalonians
3:6, In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers,
to keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according
to the teaching you received from us. Back to Top
Human Forgiveness.
In the Lord's Prayer, receiving forgiveness from God is joined to
forgiving others (Matt 6:12; Luke 11:4). Jesus' parable of the unmerciful
servant makes the point that human beings are obliged to forgive
because God has forgiven them (Matt 18:23-35). God's forgiveness
is actually said to be conditional upon forgiving others (Matt 6:14;
18:35; Mark 11:25-26; Luke 6:37). Jesus says that there ought to
be no limit on the number of times that one should forgive another
so long as the offender repents and asks for forgiveness (Matt 18:21-22;
Luke 17:3-4). (Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology)
Matthew 6:12, Forgive us our debts, as we also have
forgiven our debtors.
Luke 11:4, Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive
everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.'"
Matt hew 18:23, "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven
is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
Matthew 6:14, For if you forgive men when they sin
against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 18:35, "This is how my heavenly Father will
treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
Mark 11:25-27, 25 And when you stand praying, if
you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father
in heaven may forgive you your sins." 27 They arrived again
in Jerusalem, and while Jesus was walking in the temple courts,
the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders came to
him.
Luke 6:37, "Do not judge, and you will not
be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive,
and you will be forgiven.
Matthew 18:21-22, Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,
"Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against
me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven
times, but seventy-seven times.
Luke 17:3-4, So
watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents,
forgive him. 4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and
seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."
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