Conflict Resolution

1. What was one of the major underlying purposes for Paul in writing his New Testament letters?
2. Why do people have relational problems?
3. How does a personal preference differ from a Biblical principle?
4. What does the Bible teach about keeping “short accounts” with those who offend us?
5. What does the Bible teach about the need and timing of reconciliation?
6. What are the dangers of not forgiving?
7. What does the Bible teach about the responsibility of local church spiritual leaders in conflict resolution?
8. What responsibilities do those in the congregation have in conflict resolution?
9. A Quote Note on Human Forgiveness


1. What was one of the major underlying purposes for Paul in writing his New Testament letters?

The first century churches were not without their own problems and often underlying Paul's writings was his counsel to them about various problems.

1 Corinthians 1:10, I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
1 Corinthians 3:1, Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly-mere infants in Christ.
1 Corinthians 7:1, Now for the matters you wrote about …
1 Corinthians 7:25, Now about virgins …
1 Corinthians 8:1, Now about food sacrificed to idols …
1 Corinthians 12:1, Now about spiritual gifts ...
1 Corinthians 16:1, Now about the collection …

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2.  Why do people have relational problems?

There are many reasons, but it all comes back to the fact that often we want our own way about something, and many times that thing can be cloaked as something "spiritual."

Numbers 12:1-2, Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite. 2 "Has the LORD spoken only through Moses?" they asked. "Hasn't he also spoken through us?" And the LORD heard this.
Numbers 16:3, They came as a group to oppose Moses and Aaron and said to them, "You have gone too far! The whole community is holy, every one of them, and the LORD is with them. Why then do you set yourselves above the LORD's assembly?"
Psalm 106:16, In the camp they grew envious of Moses and of Aaron, who was consecrated to the LORD.
3 John 9-10, I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. 10 So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
James 4:1-2, What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.
Galatians 5:13, You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
Galatians 5:16-17, So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

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3. How does a personal preference differ from a Biblical principle?

A preference applies and is authoritative only to the individual; i.e. music, colors, hair style, choice of car, or food tastes. A Biblical principle implies a general responsibility we all share though it will have different looks. As a good steward I might choice to drive a Chevy while someone else might choice a BMW. Problems arise when people make preferences tests of spirituality or when they decide how others should practice a Biblical principle.

1 Corinthians 6:12, "Everything is permissible for me"-but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"-but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 10:23, "Everything is permissible"-but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"-but not everything is constructive.
Romans 14:4, Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
Romans 14:13, Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

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4.  What does the Bible teach about keeping “short accounts” with those who offend us?

Many interpersonal problems are directly related to not dealing with problems and offenses as they happen. People make excuses such as "I just don't want to cause problems" so they "stuff it." The result is that the hurt turns to resentment, which turns to bitterness, which then turns into hatred. Things are said and done begin to be colored by this negative filter and finally great harm is done to people and the body of Christ.

Matthew 6:12, Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 18:21-22, Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
John 20:23, If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven."
Colossians 3:13, Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

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5. What does the Bible teach about the need and timing of reconciliation?

The best time to deal with a problem is when it is brought to your attention. God's Word teaches that we are to go out of our way to make reconciliation happen. It is good for everyone involved as well as those who are looking at the disunity from outside of the problem.

 

Romans 14:19, Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
Matthew 5:23-25, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. 25 "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.

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6. What are the dangers of not forgiving?

1 John 2:9-11, Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 10 Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. 11 But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.
1 John 3:11, This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 12 Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous.
1 John 4:8, Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:20, If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. Back to Top

7.  What does the Bible teach about the responsibility of local church spiritual leaders in conflict resolution?

In what are called the "pastoral letters" Paul reminds the "shepherds" about their important responsibility in handling conflicts within the church. This doesn't mean that the these shepherds are to become the arbitrators of everybody's conflicts but it does mean that when it turns a certain corner and it begins to affect the whole body then they must step in for the health of the church.

1 Timothy 5:20, Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning.
2 Timothy 4:2, Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage-with great patience and careful instruction.
Titus 1:13, This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith
Titus 2:15, These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.
Titus 3:10, Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him.

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8. What responsibilities do those in the Body of Christ have in conflict resolution?

As brothers and sisters in Christ we are all connected in a deeply spiritual way with each other. Because of this relationship, the Bible gives numerous exhortations for believers to "get involved" in conflict resolution.

 

Matthew 18:15-17, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

1 Corinthians 5:4-5, When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, 5 hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.
1 Corinthians 5:11, But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
Romans 16:17, I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.
2 Thessalonians 3:6, In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers, to keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according to the teaching you received from us.

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9. A Quote Note on Human Forgiveness

Human Forgiveness. In the Lord's Prayer, receiving forgiveness from God is joined to forgiving others (Matt 6:12; Luke 11:4). Jesus' parable of the unmerciful servant makes the point that human beings are obliged to forgive because God has forgiven them (Matt 18:23-35). God's forgiveness is actually said to be conditional upon forgiving others (Matt 6:14; 18:35; Mark 11:25-26; Luke 6:37). Jesus says that there ought to be no limit on the number of times that one should forgive another so long as the offender repents and asks for forgiveness (Matt 18:21-22; Luke 17:3-4). (Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology)

Matthew 6:12, Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Luke 11:4, Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.'"
Matthew 18:23, "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
Matthew 6:14, For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 18:35, "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
Mark 11:25-27, 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." 27 They arrived again in Jerusalem, and while Jesus was walking in the temple courts, the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders came to him.
Luke 6:37, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Matthew 18:21-22, Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Luke 17:3-4, So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."

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